Keen explorers and adventure seekers Francesca and Stew, also known as The Rogue Ramblers, discuss the benefits — and challenges — of hiking as a couple.

Stew and Francesca have found the great outdoors to be a cheaper and more accessible alternative to therapy

Some say home is where the WiFi connects automatically. For us, it's where we can connect, uninterrupted, as people. Some people head to the hills for some solace and peace and quiet. We go for the views, the health benefits, and the adventure, but mainly, we go to seek a sense of togetherness.

It wasn't always this way. When we first met while studying in Cardiff, we bonded over music, beer, friends, and our work. We are lucky to have coasted along in a state of relative relationship bliss, merrily eating and drinking our way through the honeymoon years and a stint doing long distance. Consequently, we started hiking together about six years ago to reclaim our lost fitness. As we felt our muscles wake up from a city centre induced slump, the mental healing hiking provided for us as individuals, and thus as a couple, was an unexpected but welcome by-product.

We've always had a pretty good relationship, we think, not suffering from jealousy, infidelity or mismatched hopes and dreams. We've also been lucky to remain largely unchallenged by life's big hurdles, generally coming out the other side feeling lucky to have a shelter from the sometimes stormy seas beyond our relationship.

But when they have occurred, we've hashed out some of our biggest issues as a couple on the hills. Finances, families, friendships. We’ve fought foes, demons and fears from our past, dating back to well before we’d even met. Where there was no escape from arguments in our little flat, with the two of us sitting in stony silences suffering through stubbornly as Netflix played white noise in the background, the hills force you to work through your disagreements serenely. After all, you don't want to get caught out alone on a mountain after the darkness of a bad mood settles on the horizon. There's something about hiking, throwing yourself into situations that aren't always physically secure or safe, which gives you sharp perspective about where best to channel your energy.

Do you continue to niggle away at your hiking buddy because they've hacked you off? Or do you understand the extra pressure when you're trying to scale a scree run which will probably put unnecessary duress on the situation and make it more dangerous? Yeah. You guessed it. You let it go. You work together, channelling the focus on the task at hand. By the time you’ve summited, and the problem occurs to you again, you realise it’s been left down there with the rubble. Here, there are just clear skies. You’ve transcended. And most importantly, you've done it together.

We all know there's something about being in awe of nature which makes the little things that bother you seem even smaller. Perhaps it's because most of our arguments on hills are caused by a mislaid compass, a poorly planned route, or a forgotten pork pie. The teamwork and problem-solving required to get up a mountain in tandem has hugely improved our communication skills as a couple. While Francesca learned patience, Stew learned expression.

This has proved so vital for us, especially because we have wildly different experience, ability and ideas about what the perfect mountain day looks like on paper and in practice.

Our mutual passion presents in very different ways and it's taught us about the importance of compromise. While Stew loves the thrill of a challenge, Francesca generally enjoys a moderate ascent with views you’re not too shattered to appreciate. The disparity in our fitness and our needs on the mountain has forced us to become more empathetic to each other, pushing a little harder or dropping it down a notch when necessary – a constant subconscious compromise to make sure it’s not a disastrous day out for both of us.

In our view, Mother Nature offers a shared adventure that can’t be found curled up on the sofa – as blissful as those moments of peace can be. It’s the sense of mutual achievement, of overcoming something that could’ve easily beaten you – and indeed often does. It’s the support given through tears of exhaustion, the hand offered to pull through the last few steps. It’s the mutual appreciation for the person who seen you at your gleeful cold water best and your blistered rock bottom. It's that moment when you’re really struggling with your mental health and overwhelming life admin and they whisper, ‘put that down - let’s just get out for the day, shall we?’

When Francesca was struggling to put on foot in front of the other at the close of our 10-hour Yorkshire Three Peaks hike last summer, Stew invented a game to get her through, pointing out interesting quirks of nature in the near distance, running ahead and giving Francesca a kiss and a hug when she reached them. When Stew forgot to zip the underarms on his waterproof during a sodden trip up Ben Lomond, it was Francesca who encouraged him down with the promise of a warm, dry van and a hot toddy, making him laugh on the descent despite the extra weight of his sodden undergarments. When a blizzard came through halfway up the scramble to Bidean Nam Bian, it was Francesca who reassured Stew it was okay to not summit every mountain every time. Likewise, when icy January conditions on Sharp Edge proved too dangerous but Francesca wanted to continue up, it was Stew who saw sense and put both of our safety first by saying we should turn back.

Yes, nature is glorious in its solitude. But its power can also quickly remind you that no man, or indeed woman, is an island. Problems shared are problems halved, as they say. You can learn a lot about yourself on a mountain summit – even more on the way up. But likewise, you can learn a lot about the people you love, and discover what sort of person you want to be for them. A listener, a caretaker, a supportive cheerleader. This goes for all the great loves of your life; your friends, your family, your dog.

That’s the feeling that pulls us back to the mountains time and time again. Yes, we love a good view and yes, our hiker instinct enjoys checking trigs off a list. We're also more aware now than ever of the physical and mental health benefits of getting outdoors. But we mostly crave the collected memories, the total togetherness devoid of the stressors of day-to-day life, the unadulterated enjoyment of the people you love in their happy, peaceful place, and the moments when the nagging voices quieten.

We’re not expert hikers. We’re not experts in relationships. We know there’s absolutely no replacement for expert help from a healthcare practitioner when you’re in need. Therapy is great! Book the appointment! But we’re aware it’s not an option for everyone. We’ve certainly found the outdoors to be a cheaper and more accessible alternative.

We’re only the masters of our own experience but here are some thoughts we’ve had along the way we hope you find useful:

Learn your own triggers

You've got to get to know each other to work well as a team. This comes with time, patience, as well as a good ear for someone’s thoughts and a good eye for when someone is struggling internally. Find your voice and be empathetic to the voice of your hiking buddy.

Know when to go your own way

We do all sorts of solo outdoor activities all the time. You don't have to like the same things, you don't have to go at the same pace. You’re not carbon copies of each other. That would be boring. Spend time discovering what makes you happy first. Then go and do it! You’ll find you’re a much happier hiking companion if you have a sense of self to bring to the table.

Realise your strengths

Stew's the guy with the eye. Francesca can't frame a photo for shit. So when we're setting up a shot, Stew takes the lead and it works really well. Francesca tries her best not to backseat drive. Stew is also in charge of the photographic gadgets. We recently invested in a Bluetooth snapper and a half decent tripod and they’ve made taking pictures so much more fun. No more running back and forth on self-timer and propping up the smartphone on a rock, only to have it smash to the floor and the screen crack as your jogging back to position with 3 seconds remaining. While the photos of our shocked and appalled faces watching the phone hit the ground are funny in hindsight, let us tell you, they weren't at the time.

Stick to the plan

Charge your bloody phone! Plan the route together so you both feel comfortable with it and stick to it, especially if one member is slightly unsure. This will eliminate the risk of tiredness, getting lost, and having an accident because you’re stressed.

Take equal responsibility

The blame game doesn't do anyone any good on the side of a mountain. You’re a team, you’re in this together. If someone slipped up, maybe they’re having a bad day or took on too much responsibility. It helps to have a sense of humour in these moments too. We’ve found humble pie is best served with a giggle.

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